You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she looked like the before picture.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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