HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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