please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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