So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
