Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
