I hate your face
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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