I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
