omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
