just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
