you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
