I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i may or may not be watching the land before time
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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