Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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