I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
