My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
