I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this boner is exhausting
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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