I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
