Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
