Your face is a jimmy john
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
