This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
