This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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