Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
