I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
should my penis look like a turkey
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
