Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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