I got her a Nickelback box set.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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