Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
