you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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