In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
