I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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