i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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