You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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