Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I see more hoeing in ur future
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