i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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