dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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