it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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