u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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