dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
