Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize