I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
