Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
honey bunches of taint.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
