He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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