3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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