Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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