I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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