my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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