3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
