i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
