just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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