i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
