Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
