I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
