Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
