Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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