When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
