I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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