did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
