She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
