But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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