6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
