Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
