I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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