"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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