Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
