I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
