meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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