I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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