everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
