Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
