I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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